


A little bitty elbow grease

by Amashi_zaino



Series: Skeletons in my closet [8]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Confessions, Domestic Fluff, Making Friends, Mention of Bitties, Mentions of penises in the 3rd chapter, Or well...maybe you are heh, Slice of Life, YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-21 21:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14293824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amashi_zaino/pseuds/Amashi_zaino
Summary: Time passes as it must. You moved out of the Lust Bros house. They helped you get your own apartment but it felt so...empty. And you were lonely. You decided that you'd go and get a bitty! Those were a thing right? But first, you wanted to make sure your 2nd bedroom was outfitted with anything and everything a bitty would or could want or need. It wasn't like you were strapped for cash. Lust and Charm call in a favor to help with the carpentry of your planned bitty home. And you make some unexpected (and sexy) new friends!These Skeletons were going to be the death of you. >_<





	1. Muttering about a G rated time.

Two months had passed by, and the things that had happened were pretty uneventful. Not really much to write about. Each month one or the other UTMob bros (either Skulls or his brother Sweets) came by to give you a short update. So far nothing had been heard or seen about your own Bara Boneboy. You thanked them and would give them the 10% you’d promised from that months wages. You’d taken to being very careful about having documentation of each night’s earnings as well as getting a receipt from one or the other for services rendered. It was an ok set up and you didn’t have the temptation of having the money sit in your bank. Sure, it might have been good to let it accrue in a savings account but well, yeah, it’d have been too tempting after a time so you made sure that it went where it was supposed to go. 

Lust and Charm had been kind enough to help you find your own apartment nearby. Sure it was still in the Red Light district so it wasn’t the _best_ or the _safest_ persey. But it was yours. And you made more than enough from your dancing to afford it. 

After you’d started working at Grillby’s Club, word got out that they had a new dancer. The fact that you were the ONLY human there that stripped really brought in the crowds. Taking home over $500 a night wasn’t unheard of and it was nice that you didn’t have to worry so much financially. 

Charm had helped you to decorate it and Lust had gone out and bought you an amazingly comfortable bed for a housewarming gift (along with an invitation to ask him over to ‘break it in’). Charm had gone all out though and his “house warming” gift was a brand new Indian motorcycle. The thing was a deep purple with red trim, which matched your dyed hair (Dark purple at the top with red at the tips) it had an extra seat and beautiful hard saddlebags that locked so you could pack groceries in it if you needed. He’d taken into consideration that you didn’t have much parking space and at first you told him that you couldn't accept it, it was too much. But he absolutely refused to take ‘no’ for an answer. Sighing you let him have his way and wound up getting riding lessons (along with many MANY innuendos) from Lust. Once you got your license updated Charm handed you the Title and informed you that insurance was already paid for a year. The finalization made you break down crying from how sweet he was and how wonderful the present was. 

Now though you stood in your home. It was warmly lit with fairy lights strewn over the ceiling, You had a couch, some book shelves, a TV with a couple gaming consoles. You didn’t really have much beyond a few stuffed toys and knick knacks you found at the local thrift stores on your shelves. The apartment was nice, but it felt… _empty_. 

You looked into the second bedroom (which was woefully bare, not even a spare bed yet) and made up your mind. If you were going to be stuck here in this megaverse of a timeline. You were going to get a pet...or a companion...or just…something!

You looked online for pets, but realized that because you worked so much having a cat or dog wouldn’t be all that feasible. You needed something that had some independence and could look after themselves if need be. 

The idea hit you like a brick to the face. A bitty! Why the hell didn’t you think of that sooner?! Bitty’s had to be a thing here right? Right??

Quickly you pulled out your laptop (courtesy of Grillby’s ‘housewarming’ gift) and started searching. 

Lo and behold, yep. There they were. Mama Cry’s Bitty Adoption Center was the first hit on the Google search. With shaking hands you clicked on the site name and up came the home screen. Oh...oh man they were just freakin ADORABLE! Yep, you had to have one. You scrolled through the options, Sansy’s and Edgys, Baby Blues and even Cherries made your eyes light up at the diabetes inducing sweetness of them all. You already knew you wanted a Sans type. And you were in a position that you could reduce your hours if need be to get some extra time with them while they adjust to their new home. 

Looking around you bit your lip a bit...you were in a very good opportunity to provide a stable and GOOD home to some lucky bitty...or bitties. The spare room could be repurposed and you could build a beautiful ‘doll house’ for them. Well...that is if you knew how to build anything. You had ideas for the design and floor plan already swimming through your head but how to make it real. 

Pulling out a sketch book you started drawing. You made out some rough blueprints, estimated measurements for a 6 room house. 4 bedrooms, an attic, a kitchen and a bathroom. If you were going to dream, you might as well go big or go home right? The ceilings were a foot tall, there would be stairs, the layout would take up about as much as a twin sized bed, maybe a little more. The front and one of the sides would open up if you needed, along with the attic. Could this work? You really weren’t sure...hmm….you’d talk to Lust later tonight when you went to work. Packing up your book and also writing down the available funds you had for materials like wood, nails and renting the needed equipment you got your leather jacket on, along with the chaps you’d found at a thrift store. With your helmet in hand you headed out to the club for your job.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The idea had actually been pretty well received by Lust. Charm thought it was an excellent idea, even though he pouted that you could always just have moved back in with them if you were so lonely. You’d nixed that idea, knowing that any longer with them and you’d have finally given in and slept with them. There was only SO much flirting and nibbling and kisses from those two that you could take before you were reduced to a melted mess that was ready to just say “Fuck it, let’s DO this!”   
Lust surprised you though when he said he knew some guys that could help. It was wednesday afternoon now and you were kind of nervous. Who would they be? Maybe he’d send Alphys? Or ...god forbid Undyne? You didn’t really picture the Underlust versions to be very handy in this regard. Except for maybe Alphys. But her forte was more along the lines of robotics than carpentry. A knock at the door made you jump and you got to your slippered feet. You didn’t like people wearing shoes in your house so you provided several soft slippers and slipper-socks next to the shoe rack by the door. Adjusting your hair (and your bust in your tight tank top) you answered only to have to look up...and up. Holy shit...it...was...woah. 

“hey there darlin’ got a call from a pal sayin’ that a buddy of his needed some help with buildin’ a bitty house?” 

You snapped your jaw shut with an audible ‘click’ as you saw the tall Papyrus leaning against your door frame. He had a soft smile on his face and the glint of his two golden fangs winking from your fairy lights kept drawing your attention. He had on a dark hoodie with fur on the hood and black sweats with dirty sneakers on. He was definitely the epitome of some of the Fellswap Papyrus’s you’ve seen and you couldn’t help but wonder which timeline he was from from there.

“Sheesh Mutt, y’sure know how to make an impression on th’ ladies.” a smooth voice chuckled from behind Mutt making your eyes widen even more.

You moved so you could see behind him and another tall skeleton stood behind him in all his glory. Yep, he had the same cracks on his skull, same charming smirk and same cut off leather jacket that you’d seen in oh so many pictures of him (some of which were still saved in your phone). You had Mutt _AND_ G to deal with?! Holy god you were going to die from sexy overload!

“I..ah…*ahem* hi. I’m ____ but you can call me Mercy. S’what Lusty and Charm tend t’call me now. Please, come in and take off your shoes. I have slippers so you can get comfortable. I hope you don’t mind. I just really don’t like tracking stuff on the carpet.” 

You were rambling. Good job ___ good job. Ugh.

“Sure.”  
“no prob.”

The two males walked in and removed their boots. Mutt chose the cute little polar bear slippers while G just went with the simple pink fuzzy ones (you just had to get them, they were just too much like Sans Classic’s pair!) 

“So, Lusty said you had some ideas and that’d ya’d provide the materials t’make this little house. Mind if I see?” 

“Oh! Sure! By the way, what’s your name? I can only assume that goldie fangs over there is Mutt, cause you called him that.” 

The other skeleton extended his hand with a charming smirk. “Th’ name’s G, doll.” You took his hand in yours, and held your breath slightly as he raised it to his ‘lips’ to plant a kiss on the back of it. Your face lit up with a fiery blush as he maintained eye contact as he did this too. “Ch...charmed!” you squeaked, the sound only made him chuckle. 

Mutt held out his hand too and took yours in his, shaking it firmly. A smirk also lit across his features. “yeah, and i’m mutt...nice to officially meet you ‘mercy’.” You nodded dumbly, staring at him before G cleared his throat. 

“Ya got any plans already made out?”

You jumped as you let Mutt’s hand go. “Oh! I...yeah. Sorry.” you said sheepishly as you rushed over to the couch. You pat the cushions next to your sides and pulled out your sketchbook. By now you had several ideas drawn out and had filled at least a dozen pages. 

The guys sat next to you and peered over your shoulder. You clapped your hands twice and the overhead lights flicked on so you could see better. The fairy lights were nice, but it kept the house a bit too dim sometimes. 

The two stared at you before chuckling, it just made you shrug. “What, I was feeling too lazy to get up and turn them on manually.” 

“I hear ya there.” G laughed, making Mutt give an affirmative nod in agreement.

Then it was down to business. They took into consideration some of the rough blueprint ideas, others they nixed for impracticality. You pulled out a second book and Mutt snatched it up so he could start sketching rough ideas of his own, incorporating the floor plan you wanted and the measurements needed. 

“how big are the bitties gonna be?” he inquired. 

You sat back with your arms crossed in thought. “Well, they range from 1.5 inches to around 6 inches. That’s the average. Some can be bigger, others smaller. It all depends on the type. I’m actually hoping to get some on the larger side. Not like Biteberries or the like, those things are...nasty. But a Brassberry or a larger Edgy wouldn’t be unwanted. I’m really hoping I can find some of the ones that have been really hurt or abandoned. I want to give them a fantastic forever home and in turn maybe get a couple good house sitter slash watch bitties to keep out the rabble. I mean there’s only so much that locks can keep out, especially if there’s magic involved. And people are assholes, or at least they can be. Regardless if they’re Human or a Monster.”

The two skels studied you a bit, you saw their eyelights flick to your chest a couple of times and you huffed. “You know, it’s rude to check out a person’s soul without asking first.”   
You glared at the two, which made them actually flinch back. 

“Ah...y’caught onto that didja?”

You leveled a straight look at him. “G. I’m _bonded_ to a monster. I know when someone’s checking out my soul and _judging_ me when I see it.” 

His sockets widened, and Mutt leaned back, now studying you more intently. 

“who?”

Mutt’s question made you look over to him. “A Sans.” His sockets narrowed at you slightly and he quirked his head slightly, indicating that he’d like some elaboration. Sighing you flopped back and rubbed your temple. You knew that you shouldn’t be so comfortable around these two. They didn’t know you and telling them could be bad news but...fuck. You didn’t want to lie to them. 

“Fuuuck. Ok. Look, we’ve just met. G, Mutt. And while maybe a handful of people know my story, I really don’t want it to be common knowledge. So, I’ll tell you everything you want to know about me. BUT, you have to swear to me you won’t tell a soul. If your Bro’s want to know, I’ll tell them myself. BUT I’ll ask the same. That they keep it to themselves. Among the respective Skelebros from their own respective timelines I don’t mind them knowing. But NO OTHER PERSON needs to know this. Please.” 

“It sounds pretty heavy there Mer, is it really needing to be this hush hush?”

You gave him your best ‘frisk face’. “I’m an anomaly.” 

He reared back as if you’d slapped him. Even Mutt inched back a little bit. “What.”

“NOW do you see why I said why it needs to be hush hush. Just...please. And...and I’ll understand if you don’t want anything to do with me afterwards. If you want to teleport as far and fast away from me as you can. I can find someone else to help me. But...I don’t want to lie to you. Either of you. So you have the option of either swearing to secrecy, or, you can leave. We can pretend we never met, you don’t know me and I’ll just continue on my mundane little life and keep myself under the radar as best I can my own way.” 

G sat back with his head thrown back a bit he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, put one between his teeth but thought better of it after glancing at you.  
“No no, go ahead. I don’t mind.” He gave you a grateful nod and lit up. Mutt did the same after you nodded at him as well. You sat in silence for a few minutes, letting them soak and smoke. G put his butt out and nodded. 

“Alright, I’ll bite. I swear I won’t tell anyone about your story.” 

Mutt huffed a sigh. “yeah, same.” 

You were tempted to make them swear it on their brother’s smiles. But didn’t want to push it too much. If they told...well, there honestly wasn’t much you could do to stop them.

“Alright, I’ll make it short and sweet. I’m from a different dimension, My Sans is a big Bara teddy bear of a skeleton. He wound up in my dimension through...I don’t even fucking know. Some kind of a _fluke_ when he was taking a shortcut. There was lightning involved and wibbly wobbly timey wimey shenanigans happened. That’s my best guess. He stayed with me and my now Ex husband. Helped me through my divorce, became close friends with my daughter. We got um...intimate. Bonded, mated...all that good stuff. We came up with a plan for him to get back home. Where I’m from Classic...or Alpha Sans’s timeline is actually a video game.” You pulled out your phone, showed them illustrations and pictures of themselves, the other skelebros from other timelines as well as small memes featuring the sprites from the game. 

“So, what’d ya figure you had to do. Or what did he figure out?”

Sighing you frowned and looked at your knees, drawing them up. “Souls.” They both tensed at that. “He gathered Souls from the humans I cared for that were close to falling down. But...the LV drove him...well...a little insane. He wound up murdering a nurse after finishing off the last patient. Then when he ported me home, covered in blood mind you. He decided to go after MY Soul as well because he said that the 8 he had already gotten weren’t ‘strong enough’. So, he grabbed me.” You hid your face in your knees, tears stinging your eyes. Your chest felt tight and you held back a sob. Ugh, you really hated crying in front of people. “My kid ran downstairs, jumped on him just as he was about to port. The extra power from the souls I guess ran out while we were going through the Void. I kicked myself away from him in fear and...well I fell through the Void and somehow wound up here. I don’t remember much. There are flashes I get sometimes from when I was in there. A Gaster, and another...Sans? All I remember is his voice and color? Mighta been Ink but I honestly don’t think so. Do you two know who Ink is?” 

They shook their head and you shrugged. “Ah,well. It doesn’t matter. But there you have it. That’s my story.”

“shit darlin’...” Mutt swore softly. He had a hand raised towards you but retracted it. You took it in your own and squeezed it lightly. 

“Hey, it’s ok. I just have to be patient. I’m sure he’ll find a way to me. I...I’m just _sure_ of it.” 

G’s phalanges relaxed on your neck and he ran his thumb up and down the skin there comfortingly. “It looks like I was right. That was pretty deep. M’sorry you had to go through that. I can’t even imagine how you felt.”

You smiled softly at him. “Yeah. thanks. It was pretty _bone chilling_ , I guess you could say that the experience really _rattled_ me.” 

Mutt let out a bark of a laugh before covering his mouth. G stared at you slack jawed before he started to laugh. 

“ _t-talus_ how you really felt darlin’” 

You sniffed and started to giggle. “I guess it left me a little calcaneus, but I guess being a bit grumpy is to be expected. But I gotta keep a _bright_ outlook on things since I’m waiting for the _light_ of my life to find me.” 

Both of the guys snorted and you all laughed at the puns. 

“Heh, I can see why he likes ya.”   
“no kiddin’”

They both wiped away their respective colored tears. G’s being golden yellow, and Mutt’s were a deep burnt orange. 

The air between the three of you had calmed a bit, they seemed genuinely more comfortable now. Which was a relief. 

“welp, alright, if i’m not mistaken. we’ve got a house to build.” 

“And don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone about this if we don’t need ta.” 

You smiled sweetly at him and leaned in to leave a soft kiss on his cheek, only to turn and give the same to Mutt. “I really appreciate it.” 

He looked away, his cheeks glowing slightly golden. You heard Mutt move and saw that he’d pulled his hood over his head to hide his own dark orange blush. 

You giggled and leaned back. “Alright, now. Where were we?”


	2. Cooking is your best Wrappon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You impress the tiny tyrant with your cooking.

Everything was going _awesome_. The house for your new bitties was done. And all that was left was furnishing it. Somehow the guys had gotten running water in it, a fully working kitchen and fridge that ran on electricity, along with an attached jacuzzi (you honestly had no idea how they pulled that off but you suspected that an Alphys or an Undyne was involved after they showed up with their respective electronics). All in all it was a veritable MANSION made for bitties. The ceilings were actually pretty tall, at least a foot high. But pretty much everything was made for a bitty of about 5 to 6 inches tall. Mutt had actually gotten his brother involved (much to your surprise and chagrin) and so did G. Green was the sweetest guy you could EVER meet. He was soft spoken and kind, a real gentleman. 

While Raspberry...well, he was Raspberry. 

Loud, egotistical and critical of your entire house. Right off the bat he declared that the only reason “THE MALEFICENT SANS IS ALLOWING THAT USELESS MUTT OVER TO HELP WITH YOUR STUPID PROJECT, _ONLY_ BECAUSE IT'S KEEPING HIM OCCUPIED AND AT LEAST SHOWING A SEMBLANCE OF PRODUCTIVITY, EVEN IF IT'S HELPING UNWORTHY FILTH LIKE YOU.” 

That had made you frown, but you had to remind yourself of what kind of timeline he was from and that you had to learn to read between the lines with him. You made sure that your apartment was spotless after his first round of scathing critiques, that way when he came by next there'd be nothing to gripe about. The the thing that won him over however, was your cooking. (Not that he’d ever admit to that fact.)

The guys were over and working on some of the furniture, Berry was actually helping by sanding down some wooden bed posts when it happened. You made sure that shredded chicken burritos were on the menu that night. (After asking Mutt what Berry's favorite dish was of course.) The meat had been slow roasting in the crock pot all day and you sang softly while dancing a little while working in the kitchen. The black beans were done, the rice spiced and in a dish ready to serve along with sides of fresh guacamole and sour cream. Warm tortillas sat on a paper plate next to a bowl of freshly shredded lettuce and Pico de gaillo, you set up the card table that you’d snagged up from a garage sale. You set out ketchup and barbecue sauce for the two punsters.

“Dinner’s ready guys. Why don’cha take a break, y’all’ve been working so hard on everything and I really appreciate it!” Your voice was cheery and light as you called out. G, Mutt and Raspberry came to the table. Green was at an appointment that day though so he was absent this time around. You loaded up your burrito and watched as Berry sniffed the fillings before cautiously doing the same. You watched as he tentatively took a bite before his eyes lit up with little red stars. He wolfed it down before grabbing another. You shared a grin with Mutt as you watched the short skeleton shovel more meat and beans into his shell. He stopped mid scoop and looked up at you as if caught. Coughing he went slower. “IT’S PASSABLE I SUPPOSE. BUT NOWHERE AS GOOD AS _MY_ COOKING.”

Mutt nodded but didn’t stop eating as he mumbled. “that’s cause you're so cool m’lord.” 

“MWAHAHAHA! OF COURSE YOU FILTHY DOG. NO ONE CAN BEAT MY CULINARY EXPERTISE!” 

You merely rolled your eyes at this. “Sure, whatever you say ‘Berry.” 

He hopped up to stand on his chair, pointing the spoon he had at you. “YOU DOUBT ME WORM?” 

You saw your opportunity. “Raspberry. If you’re such a good cook. Than I challenge you. If you can learn and reproduce my recipe perfectly I’ll bow down to your ability.” 

“FEH! WHY WOULD I STOOP SO LOW AS TO USE SUCH A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A RECIPE AS YOURS?!” 

“Because it’s good and doesn’t involve crafting supplies. Which by the way makes food indigestible, if not poisonous towards humans.” 

He reared back and sputtered. “I...YOU...HOW DARE YOU! I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT NTT BRAND COOKING GLITTER IS ONE OF THE FINEST INGREDIENTS ON THE PLANET!” 

You kept your calm, chewed, swallowed and leveled him a look. “No, it’s not.”

“DISGUSTING. YOU WOULDN’T KNOW GOOD IF IT WAS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.” 

You sat forward, your breasts squishing up to plump mounds over your folded arms that rested on the table. Your eyes raked up and down him and a smirk played on your lips. “That must be false Berry. Because I see something pretty good sitting right in front of me.”

“WH-WHAT???” 

His sockets were wide and you sat back while still giving him bedroom eyes. You were totally messing with him and just knew how this could potentially play out, but you still wanted to have some fun with it. 

“H-H-HUMAN! ARE YOU REVEALING YOUR TRUE FEELINGS ABOUT ME? IS THIS WHY YOU PREPARED THE FOOD AND HAVE BEEN PERSISTENT ON BOTHERING MY BROTHER AND MYSELF ABOUT THIS ASININE PROJECT? I SEE NOW IT ALL MUST HAVE JUST BEEN A RUSE TO GET CLOSER TO MY GREATNESS!”

You gave a slow blink. “Nope.” you popped the P even with that.

“JUST AS I THOUG...WAIT...WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘NO’?” 

“I mean exactly that. No. Look, Maleficent Sans. I’m going to level with you. I’m not the kind of person that panders towards another person’s ego. If something you’re doing is bad. I’m going to call you on it. Weather it’s cooking or behavior. Because how can a person change and improve if they don’t KNOW they’re doing something wrong in the first place. If someone just flatters and agrees with the one in the wrong, than improvement can never be met. When you were first training for the Royal Guard you weren't the absolute best were you? And Alphys told you where you needed to improve with your fighting didn't she? Now, if she'd just fed you flattery and platitudes when you were actually a weak opponent it'd have gotten you dusted right? I'm the same. I'm not going to flatter you, I'm not going to tell you your cooking is amazing and I'm not going to say you're a nice person if you have none of those things going for you. I want you to be able to learn and grow. But I'll never intend for it to be mean or spiteful, do you understand?”

His jaw hung open as he nodded before sitting down in stunned silence. His eyes stayed glued onto his food as he sat in contemplative thought. Mutt nudged you with his elbow, you glanced at him, noticing his sockets were narrowed at you. He jerked his head towards Berry and you shrugged, taking another bite. He jabbed you again, a little harder and you glared at him while growling in your throat like an angry dog. A trick you picked up while being a parent. He jerked away, looking at you with surprise. 

Sighing you looked at Berry but before you could say anything he jumped to his feet. “MUTT! ALL THIS TIME YOU'VE BEEN FEEDING ME PLATITUDES HAVEN'T YOU! YOU'VE JUST BEEN HUMORING ME TO AVOID PUNISHMENT IF YOU SAID ANYTHING THAT WASN'T FLATTERY, HAVEN'T YOU?! YOU DISCUSSING DOG! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME WHEN AND IF I WAS DOING ANYTHING WRONG?!” dark orange sweat began beading on ‘Rus’s skull as Berry screamed at him in his fit. 

“i...well m’lord that's cause you didn’t do any…” but he was interrupted 

“YOU IDIOT! THE HUMAN HERE HASN'T EVEN TASTED MY COOKING LET ALONE SEEN ME COOK BUT SHE CORRECTLY GUESSED MY SECRET INGREDIENTS! AND SHE EVEN HAD THE BALLS TO TELL ME I WAS WRONG!”

“You know Berry, I'm impressed with you.”

“YOU...YOU ARE? WHY? I MEAN OF _COURSE_ YOU ARE! HOW COULD YOU NOT BE? BUT FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE INTELLECTUALLY CHALLENGED, ELABORATE AS TO WHY.”

Oh, you saw right through that one. But this was too easy. “It's because you took that critique with maturity and seriousness. Honestly I was expecting you to immediately sink into denial and it would have hindered any forward momentum when it came down to actually getting better at something you're actually horrid at.”

He blinked at you and even Mutt and G stared at you with wide sockets, aghast at your blunt words. 

“I...I...OF COURSE I TOOK IT MATURELY, ARE YOU STUPID? I AM THE MOST MATURE AND SERIOUS MONSTER ON THE PLANET. ALWAYS TRAINING TO IMPROVE AND BETTER MYSELF WHETHER IT'S ON THE BATTLEFIELD OR IN THE KITCHEN. MY MAGNIFICENCE AND BRILLIANCE CAN NEVER BE MATCHED! MWAHAHAHA!” 

You giggled and put your cheek on your fist while leaning on the table. “Whatever you say Berry.” 

“ARE YOU PATRONIZING ME??” he slammed his hands down on the table while leaning forward. His brows were drawn down as he scowled at you. 

“Nah, I don't work that way. But, I'd like to see you put your money where your mouth is. Are you gonna keep wagging your jaw? Or are you going to prove it to me that you're actually open to improvement.” 

His mouth hung open and he huffed as he sat back with a ‘thump’. “FINE. YOU WILL SHOW ME YOUR STUPID RECIPE THEN I WILL SHOW YOU WHO REIGNS SUPREME IN THE KITCHEN.” he was sulking. 

You wiped your mouth and hands before going to his side.   
“I knew that you could be a good boy if you really tried. We'll have a lesson tomorrow when you come by then.” you leaned in and kissed the side of his skull before patting him. You whispered “good boy” briefly before pulling away. You still couldn't help messing with him, it was waaaay too easy. 

He sputtered and flushed bright crimson as you walked back to your seat and finished eating. 

Glancing at G you noticed his shoulders were shaking and he had a hand clamped down on his face to hold in his laughter. Berry pointedly refused to look at you while he finished his burrito. He stared at it for a while as if it had insulted his mother before savagely ripping into it with his sharp fangs. Mutt gestured to his brother then to you. You watched his face with a bemused expression, clearly understanding the “wtfh just happened???” 

You shrugged and signed to him. _He'll be a little butt hurt for a while. But if I can get him to make something edible it's a win win. Don't you think?_

He huffed and signed back, _you hurt his feelings. that's not acceptable. do it again and I'm going to have lots of fun beating your ass three ways to sunday._

You snorted softly at that, raising a brow at him. _don't threaten me with a good time bonehead._

That got him to flush with burnt orange across his face and turn away to his food to try and avoid your smug gaze.


	3. Lessons in Futility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Berry comes by for his cooking lesson. But you catch 'Rus in your room. Ah man...these guys were just chipping at your resolve, one sexy act at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of ecto penis in this one, or at least my head cannon for what one of them might look like. So, yeah you've been warned. There's no smut, sorry sinners! XD
> 
> But there IS plenty of domestic fluff and friendship bonding with the Tiny Tyrant Raspberry.

Berry came by just as you had scheduled. You knew that you needed the day off because this was going to be one hell of a debacle. You could just feel it in your bones. At least you suspected it would, considering what you knew of him and about his respective timeline. 

“HUMAN! YOU BETTER BE PREPARED!”

Aaand there it was. 

You’d gotten all of the ingredients ready to make the same chicken burritos you made the night before. 

“Alright, let’s do this!” you said with a grin, pumping yourself up. 

He haughtily stood by your side as his brother grabbed a chair to watch the mayhem. (and probably to make sure you didn’t hurt his brother somehow.) 

“Oh, hey Rus. How’s tricks?” 

He snorted at that and pulled out a sucker, opting to not smoke around his brother. “s’all good here darlin’, have fun. i got a few other things to check on the bitty house before it’s done. figured i’d tag along cause y’know, two birds one stone and all that jazz.” 

You nodded and gave him a thumbs up and a smile while he sauntered towards the bedrooms. 

Welp, it was time.

As the hours rolled past, you instructed Berry on the proper way to use a crockpot, how to spice the meat, how NOT to pulverize the vegetables. 

“You gotta treat them with love, not LOVE. That’s how you can get a uniform mix, how you can keep it organized instead of getting a splattered chaotic mess.” 

He was having difficulty (surprisingly) in finessing the carving knife you gave him to chop the veggies. Gently you stood behind him, glad that he was actually a good 6 inches shorter than you after he took off his boots. (MUCH to your insistence and also MUCH to his resistance as well) 

You put your hand over his, gently cradling his gloved hands. “No, like this. Position your index and middle finger here and thumb here directly on the blade in front of the handle. This gives you control of where it’s going to go, and you don’t have to go directly up and down. The curve of the blade will do the slicing for you, so use a rocking motion. Start slow, precision before speed Ok?” 

His body was tense in front of you and you could see the crimson glow of a blush shining from his skull, but he did as you instructed. He started slicing the tomato and huffed as his new technique showed that you were correct. He did try and speed up with the onions but wound up nicking the tip of his gloved phalange in the process. As a learning experience you insisted that he take his gloves off to chop the jalapeños, it served two purposes; One was that you didn’t want him to get the burning juices on them and then accidentally touch someone (like you) and causing skin irritation. And second was that he’d be pretty much _forced_ to slow down while chopping them so he didn’t nick himself again.

The meat was left to simmer, it needed at least 2 hours to slow cook to perfection. All the while Berry kept throwing questions at you. “WHY DON’T WE DO IT IN A POT ON THE STOVE? WE CAN TURN UP THE HEAT AND IT’LL COOK FASTER! WHY DO I NEED TO BE SO SLOW WITH THIS TRIPE! AND WHY DID I HAVE TO REMOVE MY GLOVES! HUMAN! THIS IS TAKING TOO LONG!”

You met his questions with patience, like he was a child, and answered them all. “More heat isn’t necessarily best, low and slow is the key to tender and tasty meat. We need to be patient, and when you go slow, you can get better at things, more precise, before you can speed up. That’s why you nicked your finger. Without your gloves you were forced to be a bit slower and more careful. Look, you agreed to do this, to follow my instructions. This is how I’m letting you learn, I always found out that things stick better when they’re more hands on y’know?”

He looked at you askance but didn’t voice his displeasure beyond minor grumbling. You smirked and plugged in a speaker to your phone. Turning it on you pulled up the Pandora app and it started up with “uptown funk” 

“Oh! I LOVE this song!” you exclaimed exciting before swaying your hips to the intro. You swung your arms and sang along slightly as you moon walked around Berry. He watched you agape as you grabbed his hand to pull him into the dance. You twirled him around and laughed as his face turned into a tomato from blushing so hard. You put his hands onto your hips and grinded into his midsection. You could hear him nearly choke from your forwarness from his position behind you, his phalanges dug into the soft meat of your hips, which were exposed by your tight crop top tank. 

You were about midway through the song before he pulled away forcefully, his face completely lit by a blush as you continued dancing. Twirls, kicks, moonwalking, criss cross, and all of that fun stuff. You laughed as you got into it fully, using every ounce of dancing expertise you’d gotten from doing pole dancing and from practicing videos on Youtube. Unfortunately it made for a rather lewd and erotic display for the smaller skeleton. 

The song ended and you laughed while huffing from exertion. 

“UGH, HUMAN. YOU’RE AS BAD AS THAT LATIN DANCING CREAMPUFF!” Berry grumbled. 

His words however made you perk up. “Wait, what? You mean Tango?” you remembered that Dancetale Papyrus was usually called that in most of the AU’s. Or at least the ones that knew about the other realities.

Berry nodded. “YES, EXACTLY HIM. AFTER MEETING HIM I DECIDED THAT MY BROTHER AND I WOULD AVOID HIM AT ALL COSTS. HIM AND HIS INFERIOR ‘SANS’ AS WELL. THE HOUSE THEY LIVE IN ALONG WITH THE OTHERS MAKE ME SICK!”

Intrigued you couldn’t help but ask about the house that the Dancetale bros lived in. “Well, what kind of house _do_ they live in?”

 

He eyed you and crossed his arms. “WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?”

You shrugged, knowing how to play him like a fiddle. “Just curious. But if your intel isn’t that good that’s ok. There’s no shame in not knowing about something like that. It was probably too much to expect anyway.”

He puffed out his cheeks in annoyance. “I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE _MAGNIFICENT_ INTEL ON THAT STUPID HOUSE! MY INFORMATION GATHERING IS THE BEST! AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT!”

You nodded, turning away. “Uh huh, sure it is Berry.”

He didn’t like being dismissed so easily. Not. At. All.

“I’LL SHOW YOU! THE HOUSE HAS OTHER SKELETONS LIKE MY BROTHER AND I. IN FACT THERE ARE _**TWO**_ HOUSES LIKE THAT. THE ONE THAT THAT DANCING FOOL LIVES IN HAS TWO OTHER SETS OF BROTHERS. ONE IS A PATERNAL IDIOT, THE OTHER FANCIES HIMSELF A MONARCH. THEN...THERE ARE THE UGH...CRIMINALS. THE OTHER HOUSE, WHICH IS A LODGE REALLY, HAS THE ORIGINAL CREAMPUFF AND HIS SO CALLED COMEDIAN BROTHER, THE WEAKER VERSIONS OF MYSELF AND MY BROTHER, AS WELL AS THE ‘FELL’ VERSIONS OF THE ‘ORIGINAL’ BROS. MUTT AND MYSELF LIVE IN AN OFFSHOOT HOUSE ON THE PROPERTY, WE KEEP AN EYE ON THE FREAKSHOW BROTHERS THERE.”

You were impressed. You didn’t know that black had information like that at hand. He must have gone and visited both houses to be able to list off the different skelebros that lived there. Though this made things a bit confusing for you. Just what kind of timeline were you in? Your own research had shown that Rivethart was here and so it had the elements of the Bitty Reader Adventures AU, but with the skels all living in the same houses like they were it touched on the Six Skeletons and the Land Lady AU? Maybe? 

This was an amalgam Megaverse perhaps? Hmm...things just kept getting curiouser and curiouser. Maybe you could talk to G about it later, but ‘Rus was here now and you knew that if you wanted answers he might also be able to help you out. You knew that he had much more information about the AU Megaverse than he let on. 

You looked over the food a bit while Berry stood with a smug smirk on his face. You knew you had to say something to him, stroke his ego just a bit so it didn’t look too suspicious.

“Huh, well I guess you proved me wrong. You do know a bit about the skeleton households. Sorry I doubted you.”

“OF COURSE YOU WERE WRONG WORM! I THE MALEVOLENT SANS AM ALWAYS RIGHT.” 

“Except for when you’re wrong.”

“CORRECT! WAIT...NO! I’M NEVER WRONG!”

You giggled at the red face he was making, his bony cheeks puffed out as he huffed at your teasing.

“There’s nothing bad about being wrong sometimes. It’s how we learn. So calm down or I’ll have to take drastic measures.”

“I WILL NOT CALM DOWN AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME! I’M NOT WRONG, I’M NEVER WRONG! NEVE~!” 

His words became muffled as you pulled him into a hug, burying his face in your cleavage to give him a boob squish. His entire body tensed up like a bow string while you held him, your hand coming up to pet the back of his skull and smooth over the hard spines of his cervical vertebrae. You expected him to thrash and push you away but his arms tensed as they grabbed onto your own biceps before they went slack, and surprisingly he leaned into you. Slowly but surely his arms went around your middle, holding onto you as if you were the last thing keeping him afloat, as you stroked his skull and cooed at him. 

“It’s ok Berry. It’s ok.”

His shoulders shuddered slightly before he turned his head, his expression pensive, eye-lights dim.

“I Can’t Be Wrong. To Be Wrong, Is To Be Weak. And To Be Weak Is To Die.”

His voice was the softest you’d ever heard, you saw crimson tears forming in his sockets as he spoke. You reached down and picked him up, he squawked as you wrapped his legs around you and carried him to the couch. You sat down and held him again, pressing his skull to your chest. “Its ok to be wrong sometimes Berry. You’re no longer in the underground, it’s no longer “kill or be killed” up here. You’re safe, it’s ok. Your brother is safe as well. Plus, you have friends who've got your back. Like me.”

“What Makes You Think You’re My Friend, Human?” he looked away from you, face tinted pink as his phalanges played with the long hair of your ponytail, petting it and down the soft skin of your arm only to repeat the motion. 

“Well, I consider you my friend. Even if you don't see me as yours. You’re still mine. You and ‘Rus both are my friends. And I’m grateful for it.”

He hummed and lay his head back down on your chest just over your left breast. You could see his skull jump slightly as he finally heard your heartbeat. The look of surprise faded as he listened to the steady lub-dub in your chest. It made your soul feel all fuzzy that the little tsundere had finally warmed up to you. Heh, all it took was some forced hugs. You knew that he was probably touch starved considering how the 'fell' universes went.

His eye sockets slipped closed as he slowly fell asleep, soothed by the humm of your soul and the sound of your heart. You waited a good ten minutes before ever-so-gently laying him down and covering him with the afghan you had on the couch. Getting up you decided to check on 'Rus. Quietly you made your way to the back bedrooms, a quick check in the Bitty room though showed that he wasn’t in there. Frowning you snuck over to your door and found it cracked a bit. 

Peeking in you saw Rus lying on your bed, a book in his hand...wait...that was your sketch diary! SHIT! You had written down all of the information you’d had of the AU’s and the Skels in that book, as well as the different theories of how this timeline had come about. Plus…there were some rather…*ahem* risque pictures in there of the different Sanses and Papyri that you’d drawn while bored out of your mind. 

You took in Rus’s expression, his brow bones were drawn in a concentrated (or confused?) frown, but when he turned the page his face exploded in a deep orange blush. Yep, he got to the porn. Shit. 

You wanted to see what he’d do with the information though so continued to watch like the dirty voyeur you were. 

Sweat beaded on his skull as he took in the images. He turned the page again and started. He looked at it, then down to his own pants then back to the picture. His teeth hitched in a grin and he looked up and around. You hid from the crack before he could see you and when you looked back you had to cover your mouth to keep the gasp from coming out. He had an orange colored pencil in his hand and was drawing in your book, the thing that made you gasp however was the fact that his fly was open and his long AND thick length was sticking out of his pants. You watched, enraptured at the look of his magic. Saliva pooled in your mouth and you had to suppress a whimper. It’d been almost a year since you’d last gotten laid, and toys could only do so much. It wasn’t anywhere near as good as the real thing, especially since the real thing was quite literally magical. 

He kept glancing at his dick before going back to sketching. You noticed that he had piercings on it, three along the underside and two along the sides of the head. Holy shit that was hot. You wanted to do...fuck, SOMETHING. But you couldn’t...could you? Would Sans forgive you if you slept with one of the other skeletons? You were starting to have your doubts that you’d ever see him again. You knew he was still alive, you could still feel the remnant of his Soul bonded to yours pulsing within you. But just because he was alive didn’t mean he’d be able to come to you. Biting your bottom lip you looked towards the living room, you could hear soft snores coming from Berry and you grit your teeth. 

You were so lonely. You felt so empty inside, even with the Magic from Sans pulsing there it was like there was a big void in your heart. You’d grieved over these past 6 or so months, you were grieving still and something inside of you snapped. You didn’t want to feel lonely any more. You needed some intimacy, Rus had been quickly becoming one of your favorite people. He was kind, soft spoken, laid back, funny and smart as hell. It didn’t hurt that he was damn good looking. Well...good looking to you. Undertale had kind of skewed your views on your definition of “sexy”, you _were_ a dirty skele-fucker after all.

Shaking your head, you stepped away from the door, silently going back to the living room. 

No, no matter how attractive Rus was, you couldn’t do that to your Sans. You sat next to Berry to let your libido cool off, and to let ‘Rus have time finishing his sketch.

Wiping away the bit of moisture that had collected in your eyes you got to your feet and made sure that your footsteps could be heard as you approached the bedrooms again. “'Rus, hey 'Rus, hows the house coming?” 

You could hear a rustle from your room but then 'Rus’s voice came from the Bitty room. “just finished darlin'.” 

You walked into the room and saw him getting to his feet. You smiled at him and looked over the house, playing dumb as to what you _actually_ saw him doing. 

“It looks great 'Rus.” You grinned at him and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you so much for all of your help and hard work. It really means a lot to me.” 

He chuckled and returned the hug, breathing in deeply. You knew he was probably smelling your hair or something, which might be creepy to some, but hey, the dude was actually kinda touch starved,(which also explained his brother a bit) so you let it slide. “Hey, the food’s almost done. And I somehow coaxed Berry into a nap. How about we wake him up and chow down?”

He squeezed you tighter for a moment and the feeling of being wrapped in his arms made your heart clench almost painfully. This was fine. You were friends and even if he knew that you had feelings for him and the other Skeletons, you weren’t going to let it get in the way of being friends. 

After a few more moments you withdrew and grabbed his hand to pull him along with you to the living room. 

You knew though deep down, that something was going to give and you’d wind up jumping one of them if your Bara Sans didn’t show up quickly. Your tenacity could only last so long.

It was all a matter of time. 

All the same, you knew it was going to happen sooner or later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we have it. The arc with the Fellswap bros. I hope you liked it. 
> 
> If you did or didn't please, leave a comment. 
> 
> Another place to hit me up. My tumblr!
> 
> https://amashi-zaino.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> So this is gonna be a three chapter "one shot" mostly because I wanted to conglomerate them. The bitty arc will be it's own little ficlet.
> 
> Like it? Hate it? Leave a comment and feel free to check out my Tumblr.  
> amashi-zaino.tumblr.com


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